


You Are My Sunshine

by RensSaxophone



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27136393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone
Summary: Tokiya gets in a motorcycle crash. His husband, Ranmaru, an ER doctor, cares for him during his recovery.
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya/Kurosaki Ranmaru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	You Are My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> I was half asleep when I finished this but i just really wanted to write doctor ranmaru. hopefully its all coherent
> 
> WARNINGS ; motorcycle crash, serious injuries, surgeries, hospitals, lots of angst

Tokiya’s motorcycle riding was a secret. He had a license, of course. He’d never ride illegally- and he did his best to try to be safe with it. 

The keyword in that sentence was _try_. Because Tokiya’s light had broken months ago and his leather apparel was worn to the point that it wouldn’t be very great protection and he had a bad habit of not wearing his helmet. He was always a careful driver, but the light was much worse considering he usually drove at night and only one working light was a bit harder to work with. 

Tokiya’s husband, Ranmaru, had absolutely no idea Tokiya even _owned_ a motorcycle. Ranmaru was an E.R. Doctor and he often worked his twelve hour shifts during the night, and Tokiya’s motorcycle and gear was in a storage lot for when he felt like driving there and riding around. Tokiya had never really asked Ranmaru his opinion on motorcycles- there was a chance that Ranmaru really wouldn’t mind (sans the safety aspects that Tokiya overlooked), but there was also a chance that he wouldn’t like it. What Tokiya _did_ know, however, is that Ranmaru _would_ be angry now, knowing that Tokiya was hiding the fact that he rides. And it was very clear that he was hiding it- why else would it be in a storage area when they had plenty of room in their garage?

Tokiya shakes his thoughts off. It didn’t help to get nervous- when he rode he needed to keep a cool head to make sure that his focus was there. It was definitely more dangerous than riding in a car, after all. One accident could be his last- and he _had_ gotten into an accident before. 

It was the reason he had stopped being an idol. When he had first fallen, years ago now, he had thought he had gotten lucky. At first, all he had seen was the fairly large hole in the arm of his jacket (the same jacket he was slipping on now, the hole still there), and there had been no blood. But when he tried to move, the pain had hit him- his bike had landed right on his ankle. It never really healed. 

That was another lie to add onto his list of motorcycle-related lies to Ranmaru. He and Ranmaru were dating at the time, though still very low-key because Tokiya was under the “no love” rule of his company at the time, but Tokiya had told Ranmaru that it was a very nasty stage accident. Considering you _could_ get very hurt on stage, Ranmaru had never questioned it. Usually, Tokiya could get away with nothing but a very faint limp, though some days were worse than others. Today, however, wasn’t one of them. He didn’t often use his injured leg on his bike, but he still felt a little safer on days where his ankle felt better. 

With that last thought, Tokiya finishes preparing and wheels the bike out of the lot before swinging his leg over the body of the bike and settling himself. 

It always felt nice when he really got going- the wind against his face and the speed was truly exhilarating. Tokiya wasn’t usually the kind of risk taker that did potentially dangerous things quite like this, so his motorcycle was special to him. And his bike was _beautiful_. She was a sleek black, and Tokiya often thought about how he likely looked at his bike in the way that Ranmaru looked at his bass. 

Having a second partner wasn’t so bad when your girlfriend was an inanimate object.

For nearly twenty minutes, everything is fine. It’s when Tokiya is heading back home that a car merges _into_ him while trying to change lanes and it sends him flying sideways, unable to right his bike before he slams into a flimsy, metal divider. 

Tokiya’s head hits it hard enough that he’s out before he can even begin to assess the injuries _or_ the pain. 

It hits him pretty badly when he wakes up in the hospital, though. Tokiya has to take a very long few moments before he can even try to open his eyes because there’s a lot of (somewhat) muted pain in his entire body but his head is the worst. When he finally manages to open his eyes, he notices that the lights in his hospital room are dim and it doesn’t completely cancel the extra pain but it certainly helps. 

Tokiya can’t move, or speak, when he sees Ranmaru. He’s in the recliner chair usually used for patients who want to get out of their bed to sit up, though Ranmaru is asleep. He doesn’t look great. He looks tired, even asleep, with deep bruises under his eyes and his hair messy and down. He’s still in his scrubs, the bag he usually takes to work on the floor next to his chair. Tokiya’s eyes move to what he can see of himself because he can’t bring himself to raise his head. One arm is heavily bandaged up to the elbow and the other wrist is casted. He can’t see his chest, and from his view of the part of his stomach above the blanket he’s wearing a gown, and the rest of his body from his stomach down is completely covered by a thin white blanket. 

Tokiya glances back to Ranmaru but in the end raises the arm that isn’t casted. It hurts, but he manages to hit the ‘call nurse’ button on the remote. 

It takes a long moment but eventually a woman enters the room. Tokiya winces, his eyes shutting tightly and his face screwing up in pain when she turns on the lights, though the lights stirs Ranmaru awake. Ranmaru manages to take in the conversation but when he talks, his voice is still slurred. 

“He’s got a bad head injury. Dim the lights a ‘lil, yeah?”

The nurse doesn’t say anything but the lights do return to a dimmer setting. 

“Good evening…” The nurse pauses to glance back at the whiteboard, but Ranmaru answers first, leaning back further into his chair. 

“Tokiya.”

“Tokiya.” The nurse continues. “You called?”

“He’s been out for a few days. He might be able ‘t talk but he’ll probably need water. I’d check his chart first, but none ‘a the surgeries should keep him from gettin’ liquids.”

Even in Tokiya’s confused, pain fuddled mind, he notices that the nurse doesn’t seem thrilled by Ranmaru’s orders, but Tokiya had heard before that in this hospital (at least) the nurses and doctors wore different colored scrubs with the name of the hospital embroidered in the sleeve, which meant that Ranmaru did have the hierarchy here and that the nurse knew that. So she leaves the room to return with some water for Tokiya. 

Tokiya knows that Ranmaru is watching his face but Tokiya chooses to close his eyes instead of meeting Ranmaru’s gaze. Tokiya knows that Ranmaru wants to speak to him but he’s waiting until the current situation is resolved. 

It does get resolved quickly. Tokiya’s voice is shot but he can speak after he’s drank water, and when she comes back it seems like she’s actually read his chart because Ranmaru hardly speaks up. When Tokiya labels his pain on the scale of seven, she tells him that she’ll speak to the doctor to make sure he’s getting the right amount of pain medication. Ranmaru doesn’t speak up at all involving anything that isn’t trivial, such as relaying information or bringing up the water. 

Tokiya’s doctor doesn’t ever actually show up that night but his pain medication is increased. It doesn’t cancel out any of the pain but it makes it just a bit more muted- though as soon as the nurse leaves and it’s clear that she’ll be gone for some time, Ranmaru switches to a plastic guest chair so that he can sit by Tokiya’s bedside, sitting towards his feet so he doesn’t have to turn his head.

“Your bike’s wrecked.” Ranmaru’s voice is a bit dry. It makes Tokiya swallow hard enough to send an ache through his throat. “You’re in the ICU at my hospital right now. I managed ‘t pull some strings to keep ‘em from transferrin’ you. I’m… really not supposed ‘t take over your care-”

“Wait.” Tokiya’s voice is hoarse but his head is spinning. Ranmaru frowns. 

“Am I goin’ too fast?”

“A little.”

“You hurt your head pretty bad. I’ll try to go slower.” Ranmaru sets his hand on Tokiya’s thigh. It doesn’t hurt so Tokiya imagines that his leg isn’t too hurt. Ranmaru starts adding pauses between his sentences, long enough for Tokiya to start taking in his words. “You crashed near my hospital. I was the only doctor in the ER, but you were… critical, babe. I had to step in. I could only do what I had to but you had to go into surgery not long after you got ‘ere. You’ve got quite a few things wrong with you but you had ‘t have surgery for your arm ‘n your ankle, ‘n to stop some internal bleedin’. It’s nothin’ compared ‘t your head- you’ve been out for over a week. Now’s not the time to talk about it-” Ranmaru’s eyes close. “But you _terrified_ me. No one knew if you were gonna make it. It was… serious, Toki. You still don’t look good.”

“I can’t remember what happened.” Tokiya whispers. It felt better, talking quietly. 

“I dunno exactly what did, either. One ‘a your sides was hurt worse than the other. We think you hit someone or someone hit you. Then you hit one ‘a the road dividers and your motorcycle fell on ya. General consensus is you were hit.” Ranmaru gives a heavy sigh, his thumb running over the blanket, rubbing Tokiya’s thigh. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that you rode?”

Perhaps it’s the pain, or the worry that Ranmaru might get upset at him- but Tokiya feels his eyes quickly fill with tears and it sends a very painful ache through his entire head. Ranmaru stands from the chair, careful of the various wires around Tokiya’s bed, gently running his thumbs under Tokiya’s eyes. 

“I pushed too far.” Ranmaru mumbles. “That’s okay. You don’t need to answer now.”

“I’m normally careful.” Tokiya’s voice cracks. “I-”

Ranmaru is very careful when he moves his hand to cradle Tokiya’s face, his thumb gently pressing against Tokiya’s lips to stop him. “You don’t owe me an answer right now. I know I was gettin’ on ya, but right now your health’s more important. Don’t upset yourself worse.”

“You’re upset, too.” Tokiya mumbles against Ranmaru’s thumb. It makes Ranmaru sigh. 

“‘Course I am. I was scared that I lost you.”

“I meant _with_ me.” Tokiya admits. Ranmaru frowns. 

“You scared the shit outta me- but it just means I’m gonna be takin’ good care ‘a you, babe. Trust me- I’m _worried_. ‘N compared ‘t that, my anger’s barely there.” Ranmaru closes his eyes for a few seconds but then his thumb runs along Tokiya’s bottom lip as he speaks. “You’re really lucky, Toki. Brain injuries are serious- the fact that you’re responding and understanding is _huge_. But you’re going to have a lot of issues, too, because on top ‘a all of your physical injuries, it’s a real serious injury. ‘S not just a minor concussion. ...You might not ever fully heal, either. It’s… real lucky I’m a doctor. You’re gonna have a bitch of a time recoverin’ from this, ‘n it’d be a lot harder if I didn’t know a lot about all this.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow. “I’m gonna take off ‘a work when you’re outta the hospital, ‘n it’s gonna be a while ‘fore I can go back. You’re gonna be in the hospital for a while, babe, ‘n then you’re gonna need around the clock care.” Ranmaru had kept up the slow speech, slow enough for Tokiya to manage to follow it. Ranmaru’s thumb finally leaves Tokiya’s lips, brushing the backs of his fingers against Tokiya’s cheek before he lowers his hand and returns to the chair. “Hang in there, Toki. We’ll get through this. It’s just gonna take some time.”

“I hope you’re right.” Tokiya mumbles. Ranmaru squeezes Tokiya’s leg. “You mentioned my surgeries. But where else am I hurt?”

“Obviously yer head- part ‘a the divider stuck in your arm. You broke your wrist, ‘n your leg- your stomach was pretty fucked, too. Crushed ribs, ‘n some internal bleedin’.”

“That bad?” Tokiya’s voice is hardly a whisper. Ranmaru’s nod is grim. 

“But it’s real late, still. I dunno how tired you are, but you should still try ‘t get some rest.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Tokiya mumbles. His head really hurt- the more his thoughts raced, the stronger the pain felt. 

“Do you want me ‘t go get the nurse? She could give you some sleep meds.”

Tokiya’s expression turns genuinely fearful. “Will I wake back up?”

Ranmaru’s face falls and he’s back on his feet to press a very careful kiss to Tokiya’s forehead. “Of course you will. You’ll only be out for a couple ‘a hours. ...You woke up now. That was the scary part. Now that you’re up, you’re past the hardest part.”

Tokiya finds that that was a lie. He’s stuck in the hospital for nearly two months. He may have been able to stay for less time, but between the start of his physical rehabilitation and various complications in his healing process, it’s longer than it originally should have been. It feels even longer, too, because Tokiya doesn’t have much to do. Watching TV works most of the time, as boring as it quickly gets, because even with some pain in his head it’s mindless enough- though if the pain in his head gets bad, it’s painful and he’s left with nothing to do but sit there, listen to quiet music (usually instrumentals) or sleep. He can read on days where the pain is _very_ low but reading makes the pain worse most of the time. Speaking with Ranmaru usually works but sometimes Tokiya has difficulty processing the conversation, and sometimes responses are difficult or comes slowly. Ranmaru is always patient, but if Tokiya struggles to the point of getting upset, he’ll divert Tokiya’s attention. 

Ranmaru spends _a lot_ of time in the hospital room with Tokiya. He still works, while Tokiya is the hospital- moreso, however, when Tokiya is moved from the ICU into a more permanent room. Luckily, Tokiya stays in Ranmaru’s hospital. Ranmaru doesn’t go home very often while Tokiya is in the hospital, though Tokiya occasionally tells Ranmaru he’s allowed to go home to sleep- despite his assurances, Ranmaru still spends every night in the chair in Tokiya’s room. 

The day Tokiya is released, he’s actually feeling decent. He still had more bad days than good, but he was excited to be back home. Ranmaru is very careful with him- Tokiya’s leg and wrist had healed from the breaks, though his surgery wounds were still a bit sore and his stomach still hurt. His ankle at this point was beyond use. Ranmaru had admitted to him that he may never be able to properly walk on it- that the best he could reasonably expect was a heavy limp with a limit of short distances. 

“We have serious discussions.” Tokiya mumbles as Ranmaru helps lower him down to the couch. “Don’t we?”

Ranmaru sighs. “We do. But you just got outta the hospital, babe, ‘n heavy conversations can be real hard for you.”

“I’m feeling better today than I have in a long time. I… want to get it over with.”

A deep frown forms on Ranmaru’s face. “If your head starts hurtin’ we need ‘t stop.”

“Okay.”

Ranmaru’s hand raises to slide down his face, his eyes closing for a long second but opening before he asks his question. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about your bike?”

“...The first time I hurt my ankle was a motorcycle accident. Even driving safely, I knew first hand that it was a risk- and you’re very… risk conscientious. I was worried that you wouldn’t agree with it. And I… I didn’t ride it quite right. I’m a safe driver! I swear I am- but my bike needs repaired… or… it _needed_ repaired. One of the lights was burnt out. And the equipment- the stuff I wore needed replaced.” Tokiya has to cover his face with his hand, not quite able to drop his head. “I wasn’t wearing a helmet, either. ...And I mostly drove at night… I was wrong. There were a lot of things I did wrong- but because _I_ could drive, I ignored it. But I knew that you wouldn’t. So it was just… easier to hide it.”

“You’re right.” Ranmaru says quietly. “I never would’a let you ride like that. ...Before this, I probably would’a let ya ride- under certain restrictions. Like basic safety shit. ...Think it goes without sayin’ that I don’t think you _can_ anymore. I doubt you could even _drive_ right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ranmaru reaches out, holding Tokiya’s hand tightly. His face is still serious. “When I told ya that I was more worried than angry, I meant it. There’s nothin’ I can do about any ‘a this anymore, as much as I wish I could. But if you really wanna make it up ‘t me- listen to me, okay? There’s gonna be a lotta adjustments. But in the best ‘a times you’re stubborn as all hell, but I really need you to listen to what I tell you ‘t do. I’m doin’ this to try to make sure you’re gonna have the best quality ‘a life that you can have. You might never be _fully_ healed- you’re probably gonna have side effects from your head injury for the rest ‘a your life. So it’s real important that we’re careful.”

“I’ll really try.” Tokiya promises. “I’m… scared to tell you I will. Because I don’t want to break my promise.” Tokiya swallows hard, tilting his head down. He can’t quite duck his head. “But I’ll do my best.”

Ranmaru sighs. “I know you, Toki. I’m not expectin’ you to be perfect. And I know you’ve felt it a ‘lil in the hospital, but you’re gonna have mood swings and you’re probably gonna be easily upset. ...It’s not gonna be easy. I’m not goin’ to forget that.”

“How long is it going to take, until my body isn’t sore?” Tokiya mumbles, though his eyes leave Ranmaru’s face and turn into something almost mournful. 

Ranmaru does have to take a few seconds to think it over and when he answers his answer comes out very slow. His responses had started to become faster, given that Tokiya was having a better day as far as cognitive responses went, but this answer is slower than even some of his slower responses. “You’re always gonna have days ‘a pain- but that’s more of yer head. ‘S far as your body, your ankle’s probably gonna hurt now ‘n then, maybe for the rest ‘a your life. The rest ‘a your body… I’d say you should be feelin’ _better_ in about a month, probably. You should be damn near healed in two ‘r three, I think. Assumin’ your body keeps healin’ the way it _has_ been.” Ranmaru then turns to searching Tokiya’s face. “You in a lotta pain right now?”

“No more than normal.” Tokiya mumbles, still not meeting Ranmaru’s gaze. “It’s just… lonely. I really want to be closer to you- but I know you’re not going to get very close until I’m physically better. I just want it to go faster.”

Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow, but he does gently squeeze Tokiya’s hand. “I know it’s hard. ‘N it _is_ too soon ‘t get too close to each other right now. You _just_ got out. But hang in there, babe. I’d bet you’ll be feelin’ okay enough at the end ‘a the month. ‘Course, we’re not gonna be able to go full out for a while- that probably _is_ gonna take a few months, but the distance won’t need ‘t be that long.”

“...This is… maybe not what my top priority should be.” Tokiya’s mumble turns almost a bit embarrassed. “And I know very well that this won’t be happening anytime soon- but do you think at some point in future that we’ll be able to be… intimate, again?”

“I think so. You’re right, ‘bout how it’s gonna be a while- ‘n there isn’t gonna be any wild, fuckin’ like bunnies sex-” Tokiya’s startled laugh gets a half smile from Ranmaru before he continues. “But when you’re as physically healed as you’re gonna be, we’re gonna need ‘t be careful, but ‘s long as we are, ‘n as long as we don’t do anythin’ on days you’re not feelin’ good, I think we’ll be able to pull it.”

“I’m glad. Obviously sex isn’t why I married you-”

“It’s nice. I get it.” Ranmaru’s half smile turns into a teasing grin. “I like sleepin’ with you, too.”

Tokiya learns that there are quite a few things that he _doesn’t_ like that have changed. The first is the medication. 

He’s on antibiotics, medication to help prevent seizures, pain medication, and a diuretic. The last is the one that he particularly hates. 

“I won’t take it.”

“It’s not forever, Toki, but you need ‘t take it.”

“No. I’ll settle with the other three, but I will not take that one.”

“Toki-”

“No.”

“If I have to wrap the pill in a damn piece of cheese and make you take it like a dog, I will. You’re takin’ it.”

“I won’t, Ranmaru. I didn’t leave the hospital to be stuck in the _bathroom_. Maybe if I were on a _catheter_ it might be different, but I’m not.”

“A week, Tokiya. That’s all you’ve gotta take it for.”

“I’m… It’s embarrassing, Ran.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “I know that helping me, with things like showers and getting off of the toilet probably doesn’t mean much to you-” Tokiya feels his eyes burn and he has to look away from Ranmaru. “But I married you to be my husband. Not my caregiver. I-” Tokiya raises his hand, closing his eyes and pressing his fingertips to his temple. “Can’t.” His tongue wasn’t working right with him. His head was spinning and his stomach was flipping. He can’t open his eyes because the floor is swaying. His head was really starting to pound. “Gotta… sit.” Tokiya doesn’t need to open his eyes to know that Ranmaru’s already starting to go to him. “Myself. Alone. Myself.”

“No. I know you don’t _want_ a caregiver, but right now you’re still _real_ hurt. You need help. ‘Specially now- you’re swayin’ real bad. I don’t want you- Toki, you can’t sit on the kitchen floor, c’mon.” Tokiya _had_ been beginning to lower himself, but Ranmaru is fast to stop him with an arm around his waist. Tokiya doesn’t want help, but he still almost automatically wraps his uninjured arm around Ranmaru’s shoulders, using Ranmaru to steady himself. Ranmaru is carrying almost all of Tokiya’s weight as he brings him to the closest place to lie down- the couch. The good part about it is that Tokiya doesn’t need to open his eyes. As soon as he’s lying down, his stomach twists, and he manages a quick whimper. 

“Sick.” Tokiya’s hand hovers over his stomach. Speaking is hard. It was hard to focus on Ranmaru’s words, too. He can hear Ranmaru’s footsteps, but he’s back in a moment. Tokiya manages to open his eyes in time to see Ranmaru carrying a trash can. Tokiya manages to reach out. Ranmaru doesn’t let go of the bagged trash can, but he places his free hand on the middle of Tokiya’s back, between his shoulder blades, to help him stay sitting while he throws up. 

Tokiya does get out of the pill he doesn’t want that day- but he doesn’t recover enough by night time to get up himself and Ranmaru has to carry Tokiya up to the bed. 

Tokiya wakes up in the middle of the night, crying. His own emotions were _very_ hard to control right now- but he’s overwhelmed from the fight he had with Ranmaru. 

“Ran?” Tokiya’s voice shakes, gently pressing on Ranmaru’s shoulder. “Are you awake?”

Ranmaru clearly wasn’t, but he’s rousing now, giving a sleepy hum. “You okay?” His voice is slurred. “Ya hurtin’?”

“No.” Tokiya’s bottom lip trembles. His crying is becoming obvious, but it’s soft. He’s not sobbing and he’s not close- but he’s overcome with guilt. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

Ranmaru sighs, but he turns to his side, slowly blinking himself awake. Even with his muscles stiff from sleep he manages to be gentle when he reaches out to wipe Tokiya’s tears. “Ya don’t need ‘t cry, babe. I’m not mad. Mood swings ‘n uncontrollable emotions ‘r normal. When you start gettin’ better, you’ll be able ‘t control it more.”

Tokiya can’t quite calm down, and Ranmaru has to hold him down because he’s trying to turn, to get closer to Ranmaru. 

“Hey, hey. Ya can’t move like that yet, babe. ‘Ere- I’ll do my best.” Ranmaru gets close enough to press his chest to Tokiya’s uninjured arm, setting his chin on Tokiya’s shoulder and his hand on Tokiya’s arm. “Think this is as good as I can get right now.”

Tokiya doesn’t speak, but he stops trying to move. Ranmaru is wide awake now, watching over Tokiya, clearly planning to stay awake until Tokiya falls asleep but it’s nearing a half an hour now and Tokiya’s just barely stopped crying, still breathing too heavily. 

“When I was a kid, I used ‘t hear my mom singin’ a lullaby. Wasn’t ever really ‘t me, but it was a lullaby I think she heard a lot when she was a kid and she sang it ‘t herself when she worked.” At first, Tokiya’s head can’t work fast enough to understand why Ranmaru’s giving him this explanation- _until_ Ranmaru starts singing. 

This isn’t the first time that Tokiya has heard Ranmaru sing, because sometimes Ranmaru sang while he played the bass- but this is the softest thing that Tokiya has heard him sing. 

Eventually, he’d find out that the song was called “You Are My Sunshine”. 

Eventually, it would become Ranmaru’s go-to, when Tokiya was upset, or having trouble sleeping. Sometimes, Tokiya would ask him for it.

Eventually, he’d decide that the song was really sad. But right now, and even after he comes to that conclusion- it helps. 

And when Ranmaru stops singing the words and just begins humming the melody, Tokiya falls asleep.

Tokiya notices, over the next month, certain habits Ranmaru has gotten into. Ranmaru has always been a clean man, but he’s _insanely_ clean, now. The shoes by the door are lined up and in a small corner. If something is tossed and misses its mark, or if something is out of its spot, it isn’t for long. The weekly vacuuming has increased to twice a week and they definitely _used_ to have a rug in the living room that isn’t there anymore. On one of Ranmaru’s cleaning sprees, Tokiya is watching him, a question clear in his eyes. Ranmaru finally stops to address it. 

“What’s up?”

“You’ve gotten… obsessive in your cleaning.”

“You’re on your way ‘t gettin’ healed.” When Tokiya just stares, Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “When you’re good enough ‘t move around, you’re gonna move around, yeah?” It’s a question- but not really. Tokiya gives a very careful nod. Ranmaru sighs. “You’re gonna have enough trouble movin’ around fer now. I don’t want you walkin’ around and fallin’ over somethin’ because it’s not picked up.”

“Oh.” 

Ranmaru chuckles, but when he nudges the last out of place slipper back into place, he heads closer to the couch. 

“I said it before.” Tokiya frowns, though when Ranmaru sits down, Tokiya does set his head on Ranmaru’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to fight with Ranmaru but he wants to bring this up again. Calmer, this time. “I’m sorry that you have to be my caregiver and not my husband, Ran. ...I’m sorry that you gave up your life for me.”

“We’re not even forty yet.” Tokiya is healed enough now that Ranmaru can almost hold him. Tokiya leans up, for just as second, as Ranmaru leans his arm mostly on the couch, his hand resting on Tokiya’s shoulder, and Tokiya goes into Ranmaru’s side, careful enough to avoid an ache. “You need ‘round the clock care right now, but that’s not always how it’s gonna be, babe. In ten years from now, I’ll probably still have ‘t take a couple ‘a days off every once in a while ‘t make sure you’re safe- but in two years from now, I’ll probably be back full time. I am yer caregiver right now- ‘course I’m more ‘n willin’, you don’t ‘ave a choice in it. But I’m still your husband. I’ll always be your husband, but I _won’t_ always be your caregiver. ‘Sides. I fuckin’ hate seein’ you hurtin’, but even with all ‘a the complications of your injuries- you’re _you_ , Toki. We got real lucky, that you’ve only got bad _days_ that really affect how you _act_ \- but in the grand scheme ‘a things, I have a lotta time with you right now. Not all of it’s good, but not all of it’s bad, babe.”

“There’s just… some things.” Tokiya’s hand curls loosely in Ranmaru’s shirt. “You nearly have to _bathe_ me, Ran- that’s not anything I ever wanted.”

“It’s not forever. ‘Sides.” Ranmaru’s voice takes on a teasing tone. “There’s no one else I’d rather help in the shower. And I’m not _bathin’_ you. You can wash yourself. I’m just there ‘t help.”

Tokiya gets quiet for a very long moment after that, his hand curling into Ranmaru’s shirt again. “Ran…” Tokiya’s voice is a bit hesitant. “I… didn’t sleep well last night. I was having a really hard time falling asleep… would you sing to me?”

Ranmaru’s hand gently squeezes Tokiya’s shoulder. “Why don’t we head ‘t the bed first, ‘n then I will. If you didn’t sleep much last night I’d rather you get some real rest, yeah?”

Tokiya gives a very careful nod, just enough that Ranmaru can feel it against his side. 

Tokiya is well enough now that he can sleep pressed to Ranmaru’s side with a very minimal ache. Ranmaru can’t really hold him, but he doesn’t force Tokiya away from him, and for now- that’s enough. 

Ranmaru alternates between humming and singing softly because it is taking Tokiya quite some time to fall asleep, but eventually, with a bit of difficulty and quite a few repeats of the lullaby- Tokiya does.

“Tokiya.” Tokiya was mostly healed physically. He could mostly make his way around the house, though his limp was heavy and he gets tired easily. His head still hurt more days than it didn’t, though days that he couldn’t function because of it weren’t _too_ plentiful. His torso was still sore, but not too sore to be able to almost fully cuddle with Ranmaru. Ranmaru was still gentle when holding Tokiya back, but he was able to _hold_ Tokiya now. But the serious tone in Tokiya’s voice gets Tokiya to look up with eyes that are a bit too wide. “I got an emergency call.” Ranmaru’s tone is _grim_. “They’ve got a serious case at the hospital ‘n they need more hands on deck. I ‘aven’t told ‘em yes yet. It wouldn’t be a full shift, but if you’re not comfortable bein’ alone for a few hours then I’m not leavin’.”

Tokiya has to take a second to take in everything Ranmaru is telling him. Today wasn’t miserable, but it wasn’t necessarily a good day, either. It takes him a second to understand- and his first, initial reaction is actually a twinge of sadness. It almost makes his eyes burn- but it isn’t enough that he can’t scold himself. He doesn’t nod, because the thought makes his head ache. “Must be serious, if they called.” Tokiya hadn’t been very talkative today. It does give Ranmaru a bit of pause, the way he’s speaking in shorter sentences. “I’ll be okay.”

“...You sure? How’s your head?”

“Fine.”

Ranmaru’s eyes narrow, and Tokiya just meets his gaze. But in the end- he sighs. Whatever he had been called in for must have been serious, because Tokiya wins this. Ranmaru still makes sure that Tokiya has taken his medication and is set up on the couch, the TV running in the background, before he leaves with a careful kiss to Tokiya’s forehead. 

“I’ve got my phone on. Anythin’ happens you call me, babe.”

“I will.”

With one last glance to make sure Tokiya had _his_ phone, Ranmaru leaves. He’s still in day clothes, but Tokiya knows that he has scrubs at the hospital.

Tokiya is good for an hour, but then his thoughts start to wander, as difficult as that feels- today was the day Tokiya usually took a shower. That thought was led on because Tokiya really needed to use the bathroom, and something in him was excited at the fact. 

There were a lot of things that Tokiya didn’t mind Ranmaru doing for him. When Ranmaru got him his dinner, or took care of the dishes, or cleaned the house- Tokiya wasn’t _happy_ that he couldn’t help, but he didn’t _hate_ it. There was guilt, but he wasn’t miserable about it. 

Not the way he was, being unable to even enter the bathroom by himself. Ranmaru didn’t do _everything_ for him- Tokiya wiped himself, and for the most part he cleaned himself, or at least the parts he could easily reach. But Ranmaru helped him up and down off of the toilet, and even though Ranmaru had set up a non-slip mat in the shower tub, he still holds onto Tokiya and washes off parts that Tokiya has to stretch to reach- it makes him feel like a child. And it isn’t Ranmaru’s fault- he’s just trying to help. Tokiya knew that Ranmaru used to have to help wash patients, before he became a full-fledged doctor, so washing _Tokiya_ was probably nothing to him. But it wasn’t nothing to Tokiya. He wasn’t embarrassed about Ranmaru seeing him naked. It was everything else. 

So Tokiya heads to the bathroom. He does bring his phone, setting it on the counter. His head is beginning to pound but the pain is fuddling his thoughts, making this entire thing seem like an even more rational idea. It’s difficult, just lowering himself to the toilet, but he manages. And when he manages to get himself back up with only a bit of dizziness, it makes him feel positive that he can manage a bath. 

Maybe not a shower, he relents.

He nearly falls, turning on the water, but he doesn’t. Getting undressed is another feat, but rather than focusing on what he’s having trouble with, he’s instead focusing on the fact that he’s _doing_ it. 

He gets into the water okay. His ankle aches, when he’s getting in, but when he settles in the (slightly too) warm water it does begin to feel a bit better. 

Tokiya doesn’t end up getting to wash himself. He falls asleep in the bath. He wakes up a few hours later in water cold enough to make himself shiver and he’s fast to drain the tub to get out. The very bottom of the tub isn’t hard to use to get up, but the porcelain is slippery and for a second, Tokiya worries that he’s going to have problems getting out, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He was thinking a bit clearer now, the pain in his head a bit more manageable after his impromptu nap- and with it comes a large amount of guilt. His eyes burn, and it makes his shaking even worse. 

That must contribute to his fall. He manages to get _out_ of the tub- but when his ankle gives out on him he has nothing to grab onto as he falls backwards, back into the tub. His legs are still out of it, and he lands ass down on the mat- but his head hits the linoleum hard enough to make him cry out in pain. The only silver lining is that it isn’t hard enough to knock him out. 

When he starts crying (from pain, guilt, frustration and the humiliation of the position he’s going to be found in), it hurts his head even worse, but that only makes him cry harder. 

He’s in the bathroom for what must be at least a few more hours. Ranmaru had been gone for nine hours- longer than he had meant to be, but Tokiya would find out much, much later that it had turned into a life or death situation and Tokiya had never called him. Tokiya couldn’t, of course, with his phone on the counter. 

Tokiya is in a state of semi-awareness when the front door opens. He’s not kept awake by the pain, or the crying that hasn’t quite stopped, or the uncomfortable position- he’s kept awake by the cold, and the trembling that comes with it. 

Tokiya doesn’t want to be in trouble. He truly had believed he could do this- when he had gotten _in_. He knew he couldn’t getting out, but he didn’t think it would turn into this. The way he was bent over was starting to hurt his stomach at this point, too- though everything seems to hurt with the pain radiating from his head. He had managed to turn his head enough to see that there was a bit of blood smeared on the wall of the shower, too. 

Tokiya hears his name from further in the house. He doesn’t quite respond, not currently capable of words, but his weak, pathetic sob is enough to lead Ranmaru into the bathroom. Ranmaru’s look was already wary, but a few more emotions flash across when he sees Tokiya- the first being horror, the second being frustration, and the last being focus. Ranmaru’s first priority is to get Tokiya out of the bathtub and into a better position. Tokiya is nearly out of it and he’s shaking so hard that he’s no help, but his body is healed enough that Ranmaru can just lift him. 

“Cold.” Tokiya’s voice shakes, but even through the pain and heaviness in his body he manages to press himself closer to Ranmaru. Tokiya’s ears were ringing. 

Ranmaru sighs- he speaks, but Tokiya can’t comprehend what he’s saying. Tokiya had air dried, so Ranmaru does take Tokiya to their room, putting him in a warmer outfit and then wrapping a blanket around him. That’s as much as he does before he begins checking on Tokiya, starting by kneeling down to be closer to Tokiya’s face. 

“Tokiya.” Ranmaru is speaking slowly enough that Tokiya can understand. Tokiya’s eyes trail to Ranmaru’s face- he isn’t crying, but his eyes are still shiny with tears. Ranmaru holds up a finger. He keeps his speech slow. “Follow my finger. Just move your eyes.”

It’s hard. It’s hard to focus, even though Ranmaru isn’t moving his finger very fast, but Tokiya manages to follow the simple path, though he does lag a second behind. 

When Ranmaru is done with that, he sets his hands on Tokiya’s knees. “Raise your left hand.”

Tokiya thinks that he’s right- but the wrong hand raises and Ranmaru frowns. When Tokiya sees the frown his eyes widen and his lip trembles- like a scolded child, though Ranmaru hadn’t said anything. Ranmaru reaches up, cupping Tokiya’s face carefully to try to calm him. 

“You’re fine.” Ranmaru's voice is slow and calm. “It’s okay. I’m bringin’ you to the hospital.”

Tokiya’s expression doesn’t change, but there’s not much more Ranmaru can do to reassure him. Normally, he’d kiss Tokiya’s forehead, but he had seen the blood in the shower and he’s trying to avoid Tokiya’s head. 

Tokiya’s kept overnight, but he’s released the next afternoon. Ranmaru stays with him the entire time. 

Tokiya had given himself a slight concussion- which seemed worse than it was because of his preexisting injury. When they’re going home, Tokiya’s having far less trouble communicating and understanding. Ranmaru waits to talk until they’re back home, though he sets Tokiya up on the couch first, tucking him in with the blankets and sitting next to him. 

“I’ve gotta say this, Toki.” Ranmaru’s still speaking slowly, and he’s keeping his voice calm. “I’m not gonna get mad at you- ‘n I know it’s real frustratin’, babe, not bein’ able ‘t do stuff like showerin’ by yourself. ‘N I left you alone when I shouldn’t ‘a, ‘n I’m real sorry about that. You have to be careful though.” Ranmaru’s voice does get an inflection in it. It’s _not_ angry- it’s almost pleading. “Thank fuck it wasn’t worse than it was, but you were so outta it last night. ‘N I dunno how long you were even there, but I know it was too long.”

“I don’t know what I thought.” Tokiya admits quietly. “I thought it was a good idea, when I got in. It was too late, when I realized it wasn’t.”

“...It ain’t a good solution- but if you ever find yerself in that situation again, I want you ‘t choose the safest option. I hope it doesn’t happen again- but it’d be better ‘t stay in the tub than it’d be ‘t get out by yourself if you don’t think you can.” Ranmaru sighs, gently rubbing Tokiya’s side. “You didn’t get a lotta good rest last night. Do you wanna lay down?”

Tokiya slumps a bit more against Ranmaru. “I think I want to stay here for now.” He admits. “It hurts less, keeping my head upright. ...If you stay here with me, though, I may be able to fall asleep.” 

“Trust me.” Ranmaru shifts, primarily to be a better upright pillow for Tokiya. “I’m not leavin’.”

The next change that happens around the house is only the next day- because Ranmaru had reached out to a friend to pick up the materials he needed to build a hand-rail in the bathroom. 

It actually does benefit Tokiya- Tokiya had originally assumed it was just in case something somehow happened again, but instead, Ranmaru had agreed to just stand in the bathroom, letting Tokiya use the handrail to lift and lower himself from the toilet. Ranmaru wouldn’t let him use it for the tub, but so long as Tokiya agreed to _use_ it, Ranmaru wouldn’t make Tokiya let Ranmaru help for just going to the bathroom. It was certainly a step forward. 

The handrail also inspired another idea in Ranmaru. 

“I know we still do some ‘a your physical therapy stuff- not as often as we should…” Ranmaru slips into a grumble but picks it back up. “But I want us ‘t start doin’ a bit more easy exercises.”

Tokiya gives a careful nod. “Alright.”

The exercises _seem_ simple- but Tokiya finds that they’re much harder than they seem. The hardest sounding one turned out to be the easiest. 

Every day they started doing laps around the house. For the first long while, Tokiya could only do one, and towards the end he’d have to hang heavily onto Ranmaru. His limp never lessens, but his stamina slowly does, until he can walk multiple laps and use Ranmaru as nothing but a bit of support. 

The next exercise is sitting and standing from the couch. 

This one frustrates Tokiya easily, because it _should be easy_. The first time they had tried it, Tokiya had refused to use Ranmaru to help him stand and ended up floundering on the couch until he cried. The second time he did let Ranmaru help him, using Ranmaru almost in the same was as the handrail in the bathroom, but the couch had far more give than the porcelain toilet and Tokiya felt tired after only one. It takes him quite a few tries before he can eventually do this exercise by using the arm of the couch, but he can’t do it if he’s in the middle of the couch because he refuses to crawl his way across the couch to the edge and he’ll just fall over if he tries to use the cushion. 

The last is the hardest- their bed was lifted. Not very high, but it felt like it, when Tokiya was still hobbling around the house. 

_”If you can’t do it yet, it’s fine-” Ranmaru reaches out, stopping Tokiya before he tries to throw himself onto the bed. “But ya can’t do it like that. If your head hits the bed hard enough, Toki, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”_

_“I…” Tokiya turns his head away. His emotions still weren’t really under his control and he could feel himself getting upset. “I know you’re right but that sounds so stupid.”_

_“I know it does, babe. The whole point ‘a these exercises ‘r ‘t get you ready to be a ‘lil more independent- but the reason you’re not there yet is because you’d hurt yerself, doin’ all this alone. Means that you’ve gotta do ‘em **right** or it’s not worth doin’ ‘em.”_

_“I’m done today.” Tokiya swallows hard. “I can’t…”_

_“That’s fine.” Ranmaru assures, rubbing Tokiya’s back. “You’ll get there. You’re still pretty fresh outta yer injury, y’know. You’re doin’ real good. Better ‘n anyone has any right ‘t expect.” Ranmaru presses a kiss to Tokiya’s temple. “I’m gonna pick you up ‘n lay you down. Think I’m in mood fer a nap.”_

_Tokiya manages a small laugh._

Tokiya is still having some issues with days that his pain is worse. The next very bad day, Ranmaru finds Tokiya in frustrated, pained tears, sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, just below the bay window he had used to use as a reading alcove. It was large, filled with pillows and cushions and blankets- it was Tokiya’s favorite place to spend time, but now it was too high for him to safely climb himself onto. Ranmaru crouches down to the ground. 

“Talk to me, Toki.” Ranmaru is gentle in taking the book, but he does, to get Tokiya’s attention away from it. Tokiya starts crying harder as he tries to explain himself. 

“I wanted to read and I can’t. I can’t focus on the words, and I tried to get on the window and I fell and I can’t get up. My head hurts and I just want to read.”

Ranmaru sighs, and he hands Tokiya the now closed book. “I’m gonna pick you up.” 

Tokiya’s frustrated tears don’t stop. He assumes that Ranmaru is going to bring him to the couch, or to the bed- he’s surprised when Ranmaru holds him carefully and climbs onto the window, positioning Tokiya in his lap. It’s large enough that they can both fit in it. Ranmaru presses his lips carefully to Tokiya’s temple for a long moment, but when he pulls back, he begins singing softly to Tokiya. 

He continues until Tokiya’s tears are done, and then he gently takes the book from Tokiya’s hand. 

“I know yer head hurts. How hard is it, listenin’ ‘t me?”

“Talking isn’t hard. When you’re talking like that-” Ranmaru isn’t speaking as slowly as he sometimes does, but it is a bit slower than normal. “It isn’t hard to understand.”

Ranmaru hums, but then he opens the book. “Tell me if it gets too much.” Tokiya glances up at Ranmaru’s face, just as he begins reading aloud at the same pace that he had been speaking. Tokiya’s currently unshed tears change into something a bit more awed- a bit more fond. 

Tokiya just listens to Ranmaru’s soothing, deep voice. It’s a bit monotonous, but it’s calming, rather than boring. Tokiya’s pain doesn’t go away, but while Ranmaru is reading, it isn’t his main focus. Ranmaru reads to Tokiya for quite some time, but when he finally closes the book, Tokiya leans against his chest, his voice soft and adoring. 

“I don’t know how I got lucky enough to have you, Ran. Everytime I think that you’ve gone above and beyond, you just get… better. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Toki. ‘N I don’t mind doin’ this again. ‘S better than you strugglin’, babe. Hurtin’ yourself tryin’ too hard isn’t worth it. But fer now- why don’t we go get some dinner ‘n then lay you down?” 

Tokiya doesn’t pull back from his spot, cuddling into Ranmaru’s chest. “I can get behind that.” 

It’s a good few months later that Tokiya wakes up to the bed empty.

Tokiya had been doing much better. He can get around the house by himself and he was starting to grow a bit more independence. Tokiya had told Ranmaru that he doesn’t have to be his full-time caretaker anymore, but Ranmaru wasn’t willing to do anything more than the occasional half-shift. Ranmaru seems more comfortable taking them every time he comes back to Tokiya, doing no worse than how Ranmaru left him. Ranmaru does set his foot down, however, on leaving when Tokiya’s not feeling well- though Tokiya’s emotions had managed to settle some and his rash decisions when he wasn’t feeling well weren’t as frequent. 

Tokiya normally doesn’t climb himself out of the bed, but today he does, to go find Ranmaru. He’s worried when he finds him, speaking on the phone in the kitchen with a dark expression on his face. Ranmaru is so lost in the phone call that he doesn’t even look up at Tokiya when he enters. He doesn’t notice Tokiya until the phone call is done. 

Tokiya can’t actually grasp what the call is about- Ranmaru was speaking too quickly, too quietly, and too infrequently. He can only tell that something bad has clearly happened. Ranmaru sighs when he meets Tokiya’s eyes, his free hand running over his face, gripping and sliding down his jaw as he slips his phone in his pocket with the other hand. 

“You okay, Toki?”

“Are you?” Tokiya’s eyebrows furrow. He’s leaning heavily against the wall, his entire attention on Ranmaru. 

“It’s… somethin’ pretty serious. ‘R you okay enough ‘t talk about it?” Ranmaru’s voice is dead serious and he takes a few steps closer to Tokiya. Tokiya nods. “Let’s at least go ‘t the couch. I’m not gonna make you stand up for this.”

Ranmaru offers his arm naturally, to help Tokiya to the couch. Tokiya can make his way around the house but his limp is still heavily present. He takes Ranmaru’s offered help. 

When they’re on the couch, Tokiya turns towards Ranmaru. 

“My mom called. My sister’s husband got in ‘n accident ‘n he didn’t make it.” Ranmaru sighs and closes his eyes, his frown deep. “My mom ‘n my sister want me ‘t drive out there for a few days.” 

Tokiya reaches out for Ranmaru’s hand, holding it in both of his own. “If this is something you feel you need to do, Ran, you should.”

“You can’t travel, Toki. ‘N even if you could, I dunno that I could take care ‘a you right.”

Tokiya’s head ducks, just a bit. “I know. And I wish I could be with you during this. It’s a very difficult decision, Ran, but I don’t want to be the reason you decide that you can’t.” Tokiya squeezes Ranmaru’s hand lightly. “I’m not entirely self-sufficient, but I know that Ren lives nearby and I’m positive that he’d help me. If it’s only a few days…”

“I don’t like leavin’ you. I… dunno what ‘t do.” There is a pained expression on Ranmaru’s face. “I’ve never been real close ‘t either of ‘em, ‘n I barely knew the guy- but fer both my mom ‘n my sister ‘t _want_ me there…”

“Ran, I’m… torn. On my own family, as well. As far as I’m concerned, _you_ are my family. And when I think of it that way- I can’t speak for you, but I think you should go.”

“Your logic’s flawed, Toki. If I listened ‘t exactly what you just told me, then I should stay _’ere_. Because _you_ still need me.”

“It’s a death, Ran. That’s extremely serious- and I can’t…” Tokiya swallows hard. “To lose your spouse… If she’s asking for you… I think you should go. I’ll be okay.” Tokiya brings Ranmaru’s hand up, to press his lips to Ranmaru’s knuckles. “It’s only a few days.”

Ranmaru sighs, his head tilting down. “I’ll call ‘em back. But only after you call Ren. I need ‘t know you’re gonna have someone that can help you first. You’re not around the clock anymore but you’re not ready ‘t be completely alone for as long as I’m gonna be gone.”

“I’ll call Ren then. I’m positive it will be fine, Ran. We’ll figure this out.”

It only takes two days to figure everything out. Ren agrees to come over during the afternoons to keep an eye on Tokiya and make sure that he’s fed. Ranmaru is set to be gone for five days- a day for travel both ways, a day for the funeral and three for the family. It was the most that Ranmaru was willing to be gone and the least that his mother and sister requested. 

Ranmaru left earlier than Ren was set to arrive that day, which clearly made Ranmaru nervous, but the plans were already set. Ranmaru is careful, keeping the kiss he gives Tokiya soft and short. “If anythin’ happens Toki, I want a call. I know I’m gonna be a while away, but I’ll make my way back if I need ‘t.”

“I’ll let you know.” Tokiya promises. “But I’ll be careful.”

Ranmaru presses one last kiss to Tokiya’s forehead. “‘S only a few days.” Tokiya isn’t sure who the reassurance is really for. 

The rest of the day progresses fine. It’s strange not having Ranmaru around the house, but Tokiya’s head doesn’t hurt any worse than usual and Ren is nice company- though Tokiya thinks Ren may be more careful than even Ranmaru is. 

It’s the third day that a problem presents itself- Tokiya really did feel better. Better than he had- but one of the side effects that he hadn’t even realized he had from his serious head injury was _memory loss_. And he was meant to take his medication before Ren was set to be over. 

Ranmaru called him in the mornings, after he was supposed to take his medication but before Ren was supposed to show up. 

_”You took yer meds, yeah?”_

_“I did.” Tokiya wasn’t lying. He wasn’t hiding anything- he had taken his medication an hour ago, just like he did every day._

_Right?_

_“Good._

It’s how their conversations always started in the morning. Tokiya truly thought he had taken the medication- but every morning, when he really was meant to take it, he forgot. And even had Ren known to check, Tokiya would have still thought that he had taken it. 

Tokiya had woken up with increased head pain on the third day Ranmaru had been gone. The funeral had happened yesterday- although Tokiya had woken up thinking that it was happening today, the pain too hard to think through. 

It’s only thirty minutes before Ranmaru was supposed to call Tokiya when Tokiya begins to disassociate. He’s not quite asleep, but he’s certainly not aware- and at first, he can’t even tell when he hits the ground. 

The awareness slowly begins returning, but not until moments after he had fallen. Tokiya barely remembers the fall, confused, sore and in pain when he wakes up on the ground, an intense feeling of fear washing over him. 

Tokiya can’t stand up yet- both because of disorientation and the pain in his head, but he manages to fumble blindly on the bed until he finds his phone- still ringing. When Tokiya answers it, he lays back down. He’s not crying yet, but with the growing fear, he’s close. 

“Hello?”

“Tokiya?” Ranmaru’s voice is too serious. It sounds like he’s on speaker phone. “What happened?”

“I… huh? I… I don’t know, Ran-” Tokiya’s voice is shaking, Ranmaru’s question only managing to scare him more. Ranmaru seems to realize that because his voice softens when he keeps speaking. 

“It’s alright, Toki. What do you remember last?”

“My head hurts.” It’s the only answer Tokiya can give. It _hurts_ , to try to remember anything beyond _now_. 

“Alright.” Ranmaru’s voice is still carefully gentle. “Where are you right now?”

“I’m… I’m on the floor.” Tokiya raises a hand to wipe at his eyes, wincing as a sharp pain shoots through his head. His head had hurt yesterday, too, but not like this. It wasn’t the worst pain he had felt, but mixed with the fear, it was hard to remember that.

“Are you sore? Any more ‘n usual?”

“Everything hurts.” Tokiya’s voice is soft. 

“You might’a had a seizure.” Ranmaru’s voice is a bit too grim. “Have you been takin’ your meds, babe?”

“I thought so.” Tokiya’s suddenly hit by a wave of uncertainty. Ranmaru’s guess would make sense- he did have anti-seizure medication. But he can’t remember if he had actually taken it. He thought he did, but he’s not so sure anymore. “I… I don’t know, Ran.”

“Did you hurt yourself? Is there any blood?” The speaker phone turns off now, but there are other noises. The closing of a door. It hurts to look around, but Tokiya tries. 

“I don’t know. I don’t… I don’t see any.”

“I”m headin’ back now, but I’m gonna call Ren. I’m gonna have him bring you ‘t the hospital, alright?”

“Hospital?” Tokiya’s head pounds in his confusion. 

“Just ‘t make sure you’re okay. I’ll be back tonight. At the house ‘r at the hospital, wherever you are. You’re gonna be okay. Ren’ll be over there soon.”

When Ren does arrive, Tokiya is still on the floor, unable to get back up. While Ren does look Tokiya over, to make sure that he isn’t injured, he still helps Tokiya up to get him in the car. 

Tokiya does have another seizure in the hospital and it keeps him there overnight. 

Ren does stay with Tokiya in the Emergency Room all the way until Ranmaru gets there, though Tokiya is mostly asleep during it. Tokiya isn’t truly aware until the next morning, when Ranmaru wakes him up to get ready to leave. 

“Toki, babe.” Ranmaru’s hand is on Tokiya’s arm, his thumb running over the skin just below the sleeve of the gown that they had put him in. Tokiya hadn’t been awake when Ranmaru had gotten there and he’s faced with quite a few feelings. The first that hits him is guilt. He bends his arm, trying to catch Ranmaru’s hand, and when Ranmaru realizes it he takes Tokiya’s hand. 

“I’m sorry.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. The pain in his head is so much more manageable, but it’s clearing some of his fuzzy memories, too. 

“There’s nothin’ ‘t be sorry about.” Ranmaru squeezes Tokiya’s hand. “We’ll talk about this later, though, Toki. I don’t wanna work you up right now. How ‘bout we get outta ‘ere, yeah?”

Tokiya still feels half asleep the entire ride home after being discharged. He tries to ask Ranmaru questions but until they’re home, Ranmaru won’t answer them. When they finally park, Ranmaru is fast to get on Tokiya’s side to help him out of the car. 

Tokiya’s only allowed to start actually talking when Ranmaru has gotten him on the couch. 

“I’m sorry.” Tokiya repeats. It seems like there are things Ranmaru wants to do, or wants to check, but he sits down next to Tokiya instead. His arm lifts almost automatically when Tokiya moves closer. Ranmaru’s squeeze is gentle. 

“Don’t be sorry, Toki.”

“But you’re home early.” Tokiya’s voice is quiet. “You’re home early, and I got myself in the hospital-”

“I was there fer the funeral, ‘n it was my fault. You weren’t showin’ a lotta memory loss. Not ‘til I left.” Ranmaru sighs. “‘S not like you were lyin’ ‘t me, Toki- you’re still hurt. Ren did good, ‘n I know you tried, but you’re… too fuckin’ put together, babe. I think we both forgot that you’re still not healed. ...You _don’t_ need around the clock care, but you can’t… _live_ alone right now. But I’m not gonna be leavin’ you again. If I’ve gotta go on another trip ‘s not gonna be ‘til you’re okay enough ‘t go with me.” 

Tokiya holds onto Ranmaru, almost tight enough to hurt. His head aches, just a bit, when he buries his head into Ranmaru’s shirt but he’s unwilling to let him go. 

“I don’t think you slept very well in the ER.” Ranmaru mumbles. 

“I slept the whole time.”

“Think you were unconscious. ‘S not the same thing. Even if it sounds like it is. I’m gonna pick you up, alright?”

Tokiya shifts enough for Ranmaru to pick him up. Tokiya doesn’t feel tired and he doesn’t feel like he needs to sleep, but while he does feel terrible for making Ranmaru come home early, he’s still glad to have Ranmaru back. 

When Ranmaru lays Tokiya down and climbs in with him, he holds Tokiya. It’s not a crushing grip, but it’s a bit tighter than he usually does. Ranmaru doesn’t talk about it, but Tokiya knows that he scared Ranmaru. He doesn’t know how long Ranmaru had tried to call him, but he knows it wasn’t Ranmaru’s first call. And Tokiya doesn’t remember exactly what he said but he vaguely remembers the fear, and how out of it he was- and Ranmaru _did_ head home despite being several hours away. 

When Ranmaru begins to sing, Tokiya closes his eyes. 

A few months pass- Tokiya’s medical condition does continue to improve, though Ranmaru’s still not quite at part-time. He doesn’t do full shifts and he’s not taking as many as he had, but he does spend hours at the hospital throughout the week. 

Tonight, they’re in bed, undressed entirely and under the covers, Tokiya pressed against Ranmaru. 

“See? Just gotta be a ‘lil careful. Y’did good, Toki. With yer healin’ up. ‘N fuck am I glad ‘t see it.”

Tokiya smiles up at Ranmaru, his fingers tracing idle patterns into Ranmaru’s skin. “We can’t… what was it? _Fuck like bunnies_? But if the only sex I can have with you for the rest of my life is as soft and sweet as this is, I’ll be living the rest of my life very happy.”

Ranmaru chuckles, pressing a kiss to Tokiya’s forehead. “You’re gettin’ there, Toki. Better every day. …’N trust me. This is gonna sound fuckin’ soft- but just bein’ able ‘t fuckin’ _hold_ you in bed was good enough fer me. Anythin’ else is above ‘n beyond.”

“You’ve been a saint.” Tokiya sighs, finally letting his eyes close. “Every single step of the way. Thank you, Ran. ...You’re still not as out of the caregiver role as I wish you could be- but you’re absolutely my husband first and foremost.” Tokiya tangles his leg with Ranmaru’s, keeping his eyes closed but growing a soft smile nonetheless. “Close your eyes.”

Tokiya can almost see Ranmaru’s eyebrow raise, even with his own eyes closed, but he know Ranmaru listens when he hums. 

For a second, there’s silence- but then, in a very soft voice, Tokiya begins to sing.


End file.
